Miss Victoria's School for Girls

Damn, these dragon people have nice stuff

Tallis sounded pretty evil and was trying to convince us to leave and sabotage her rival Reznir’s treasure truck. Shen apparently knew her from when they were kids, so she tried to chat with her, but Grontina got bored with that and stabbed her pet troll in the wang. It was pretty freaky, but then what was more freaky was when Sassay crushed a bloody chicken heart in her hand and freaked Brittanya, Waknowna, and most of the bad guys the fuck out. It was creepy, ok?

We eventually got over it and fried the troll. Tallis jumped out the window and got away, and the guards surrendered. We took their stuff, including a fancy wolf skin cloak, +1 chainmail, and a really awesome wand of winter. We found a room with amazing dragon tapestries depicting different dragons in different environments, including black and white dragons in a swamp, so we thought they might depict reality. In another room, we found a magic spear named Dragongleam, which when you say “Tiamat shines brightly” it casts daylight.

Downstairs, there were a lot of parlors. In one, a suit of armor attacked us and made black tentacles crawl up our legs. We killed it and discovered that the tapestry near it was a portal. We also found an arrow-catching shield. And finally, we found the linen closet where we found the dragon banner that will help us get into town. And there was a room where kobolds had clearly been hanging out. Where they are now, nobody knows. The people we saved talked about a red wizard that passed through recently, and that there’s some kind of army in the Sunset Mountains. Also Tallis was talking about Glazhael the Cloud Chaser – maybe it’s a dragon?

Rezmir is apparently at Skyreach castle, which is supposed to be near the town of Parnest, though nobody there knows about it. So I guess that’s where we’re going next.

I think this place is trying to kill us.

Upon arriving in this strange and mysterious place, we set about exploring. Brit noticed that the pylons where they arrived said “Unquiet swamp of mournful croaking” in an ancient elvish dialect. There were a couple of other sets of pylons, but we couldn’t read what they said. We figured they might be portals to other places.

Then we approached the house, which looked like it might have seen a recent visit from something dragon-y? Then when we went in, we got attacked by some gargoyles. They started to beat up on Sassay pretty bad, but we took them out and then headed back out to the forest to take a rest before fighting anything else. There was some armor in there, but it didn’t look very good, so we left it behind.

After we set up camp, some asshole fraternity trolls tried to wake us up and party with us, so I set them on fire. They didn’t like that and came over and beat the crap out of me. I must have passed out for a second, because I thought for a moment that Waknona actually hit something. The stupid trolls wouldn’t die until we threw them into the fire, so we did, and finally got some damn rest.

The next morning, we made another run at the chalet, this time by the back door. We looked in a window and saw that there were some cooks in cultist robes in there, so we put most of them to sleep, opened another door and found some more people, put them to sleep too, and then questioned one of them. His name was Angrath the groomsman (formerly the huntsman) and he told us that we were in the Greypeak Mountains about a day’s ride from Parnest. He warned us about the lady of the house, Tallis the White, who is a dragon fanatic. Her right hand troll is Trepsin, who has four arms and is her hunt master. There were also Gaston the butler and Linda the housemaid. He said to make sure if we go to Parnest to bring the Dragon banner. He also told us that there were prisoners in the basement, so we went down there next.

There were three of them, a male human named Brother Camran, who was the priest in Parnest, a dwarf named Kragnor who was investigating a mine in the nearby mountains, and a beat up human female named Myrcella who apparently saw too much in the back room in the Parnest Inn. The dwarf was lying, so Caeman told us he was being questioned about Varram the White. Grontina made a zone of truth, but Kragnor was veeeerrrry cagey still, so we decided to leave him chained up but we released the other two and sent them up to guard the room full of cultists. We also found what looked to be a set of magic torturer’s tools. Creepy.

We went upstairs to check things out and almost immediately found Tallis, Trepsin, and 3 more guards. Tallis said that she considered us her guests and hoped we could do business…

Blood, bugs, and unexpected travel

Thankfully, just as the cultists spotted us, Grontina and Shen appeared scaling down the walls, weapons and coffee cups in hand. Waknona somehow vanished, but we didn’t even need her stabby abilities, because Grontina cut a bloody path through them, and Shen created a wind wall that pulped about 6 of them. One of the remaining ones (Jeffrey) must have been a ninja or something, because nobody could hit him, but finally we killed all his friends and he surrendered.

Not even a minute later, a bunch of bullywogs stormed into the bloody room. They zoomed past us through another door, and the surrendered cultist said they were probably going down to warn Farblex. Shen ran ahead and shut the door on some gross noises she heard, but then Tina knocked it down to find a room full of bugs! Ugh! Shen was having none of that, so she wind walled the crap out of the room until it was basically a centipede smoothie, and then she and Grontina were ready for a nap, so we took a short rest to the tune of Enya’s “Sail Away”.

After our disco nap, we went downstairs, making sounds like bullywogs all the way. We got to the bottom where there was a stinky pool, so of course Sassay immediately climbed into the hole the stink water was coming out of and let us into a cave where the ground bitch-slapped her in the face. We laughed at her and then killed whatever it was, and got some gorgeous gemstones for our trouble. I really need to re-open my etsy shoppe and sell some jewelry. We head back to the main cavern, down a set of misty stairs, lowered ourselves in a winch, and then turned right into a room where we found a big stone ring like in the picture we found. Anastasia foolishly decided to say “Brassiere” and we suddenly found ourselves outside in a wooded valley! We can’t get back using the word, but maybe we should check out that house on the hill…

If at first you don't succeed
just keep banging your head against that castle wall.

Wet, acid-stained, and smelling like smoke and mud, we finally found our way back to the warded path, where we were able to rest.

In the morning, we decided to send Shen and Grontina on a Starbucks run while the rest of us went back to the castle. Who needs melee capability when sieging a fortress, anyway? Waknona put a couple of bullywog guards to sleep, and then we walked across the moat again. I gave Waknona my spider climb scroll and she scaled the wall. She threw the rope down and Anastasia and I both messed up our climbing, which of course attracted a gargoyle.

We dispatched the gargoyle and distracted the drakes in the courtyard below by throwing down some of our rations. We shimmied down the rope on the inside and approached the tower where the observatory was. We didn’t find interesting on the ground floor, but on the second floor we surprised that awful elf who was yelling at us when we were in the tower. Waknona actually did something awesome and stabbed the hell out of him. Anastasia got all in his face with these lunar looking wolves. I have to admit it was kind of cool, until he hit her in the face. Finally, Sassay whispered carelessly to him and he died. We found a tiny key in a pocket on his belt. And then in the next room, Sassay found a chest under some floorboards, and inside the chest was the dragon scale onyx ring we were looking for! And some money and gems (chrysoberyl) and stuff.

We went up to the top floor, and what we thought was going to be a telescope was actually a really weird looking device with a big gem at the end and a smaller gem in the middle. And when you grabbed the handles and looked into the gem, you could see into the swamp! It was pretty cool, actually. We futzed with it for a while until somebody broke it and we couldn’t see any more. We left it alone and went back down to try to sneak across the courtyard into the nearest tower. I swear Anastasia must have tripped me because I totally fell over and suddenly the three drakes rounded the corner and attacked us. We took them out pretty quickly, but then the door we were headed to opened, and we could see all kinds of cultists inside…

Save the Statue!

At the top of the stairs was a really swanky office with these humongous onyx dragons. Probably worth a fortune. But then these jerks saw us and didn’t believe we belonged there. So we had to kill them. Unfortunately, one got away and sounded the alarm, so we barricaded the staircase and kept going up. Anastasia found a drawing of a ring labeled ‘Draezir’ which she seemed to think was important or something.

In a nearby bedroom, Grontina opened a wardrobe with a dragon carving on it, which immediately bathed the entire room in disgusting-smelling acid that burned everyone and everything in the room. Fortunately I was smart enough to be standing far far away from that mess. Then we opened a chest that had this beautiful dragon statue made of real black dragon scales and rubies and diamonds (worth 4800 gold if we can get it back in one piece; 1200 if not), lying on a bed of 1000 gold pieces. So much shiny.

We found a room with nothing in it but a wall painting of Tiamat. We tried everything to get it to be a secret passage, but no luck. We had to get out the way we came in. We went back down the steps, collecting some books and pulling apart the barricade we created. When we opened the front door, we got instantly fireballed. And some lame elf-guy told us we needed to lay down our weapons or get killed. He had about 30 people with him, so it was a credible threat. We hemmed and hawed a bit, and closed the door, which they took to mean we weren’t surrendering. So they started to burn the tower down. Fuuuuuu.

We thought about shrinking ourselves to fit through the arrow slits, but Grontina decided to make the hole bigger instead. We sent our captive cultists through first (Grontina insisted) and then all went out the hole…

…into the crocodile-infested moat. Crap. Grontina and Anastasia got surrounded by reptiles, so I had to do the unthinkable. I dropped the gorgeous statue into the moat and hasted them. We got away (all except the hot guard captive) and sprinted past the gatehouse full of bullywogs and down a path through the swamp, where we at least got a short rest before trying to make our way back to the warded road.

The castle of the frog prince

I was in the middle of a beautiful dream about a prince asking me to marry him when I suddenly felt a chill and woke up to find that half the camp was surrounded by a huge black dragon! He said his name was Voaraghamanthar. He said that the annoying zombies walking around were messing with the balance of the swamp, and he wanted us to help. And a filthy half-elf – Draomar Borngrey – has an onyx dragon scale ring of his. He thought Valgrex was their bullywug shaman and Rezmir was someone too. We’re supposed to give the ring to Snapjaw the lizard man. He gave us a dragon scale amulet and pointed us along the path warded by the lizard folk shaman. It was kind of weird making a deal with a black dragon, but we were going to try to kill those cultists anyway.

The other annoying thing is that something went off with my mage armor spell this morning, and it made me shrink! Now my robe is too big and everything is awful.

We followed the path to the castle, but of course there was a whole settlement of frog people with some lizard folk in tow. We decided to creep around to the side, water walk across the moat, and scale the wall, which worked well except that apparently everyone skipped that day in PE and nobody but me and Waknona knew how to scale a rope. We crept across the wall until Waknona stepped into a spider’s nest. It took a while, but we killed them, and got their whopping 17 copper. We rested until everyone didn’t feel so crappy from spider poison, and then dropped down inside. We rummaged around awhile until we found what looked like it used to be the arsenal, where Anastasia found three bundles: one had a bunch of spears in it, one had a bunch of swords and maces and stuff, and one the third had smaller weapons like daggers and darts and such. Nobody had detect magic, but a dagger and a shortsword looked interesting, so I grabbed them.

We went downstairs into what was clearly the forge, where we found a bunch of lizard folk crafting crappy weapons. We dropped Voaragamanthar’s name and showed them the scale, and thankfully one of them spoke orcish, so we managed to communicate that we were friendly and anti-frog people. They gave us a little info and pointed us toward the ‘half-breed’, which we assume is the half-elf we need to find and kill. We put on the dragon cultist robes we thankfully had stashed in our pockets, and strode purposely through the courtyard, past the altar to lizard-Tiamat, up the stairs through the library and into Area 3L.

Into the Lizard Lands

Once everyone stopped trying to kill us, we got a chance to look around and ask some questions. Sassay noticed a locked office that was heavily guarded, so of course we had to check it out. Shen went in and found a crate that was bolted to the ground, but couldn’t figure out what its deal was. She came back and let us know, and we figured it was worth investigating, so Shen cast some kind of stealth spell on us, Sassay made it sound like there was a woman screaming outside, and we snuck into the office. Grontina checked out the box and immediately realized it was on hinges. She opened it and it revealed a tunnel! Being the adventuring girls that we are, we had to see where it went.

It opened up into a clearing where there were a bunch of gross lizardfolk. Shen made a windwall which messed up their javelins, and then Sassay scared them so much that a couple ran across the sharp pointy ground and bled out. It was kind of awesome. We killed them all except one, and between them they had 17 goddamned copper pieces. God I hate fighting poor people.

We tied up the last guy and Sassay cast comprehend languages to interrogate him. Unfortunately, the lizardman couldn’t understand any language we could speak. Fortunately, Sassay was able to convey her interrogations through interpretive dance. He told us that they take boxes to the dragon, Voaragh Amanthar. That Farblex Spattergoo makes them carry the boxes. And he killed Sun Caller. He wants us to kill Farblex and then the lizard people will be helpful to us and take us to the castle. I guess Farblex is some kind of frog thing? Our new friend Varel and Sassay make a deal, and we let him go back to his tribe. Grontina and Anastasia insisted we go back and cover our tracks, so we spent two freaking hours going back and forth, and then instead of sleeping in the inn, we slept out in the swamp. Great. Anastasia had some freaky dream about finding the keys to the masks and the sermon of the scrolls. I had no idea what she was talking about. But apparently Strongor created the Rings of Myrkul and wrote a set of sermons call the Dark Sermons of Strongor Bonebinder. And Grontina confimed that the entire swamp reeks of undead. We’ve got to find those lizard people and get them to help us through this swamp.

Over the river and through the woods
(to crazy pants camp we go)

We were driving along through the snow towards Deadmen Keep, minding our own business, when we hit an icy patch and Grontina crashed us. Then we got attacked by some kind of troll thingy and his pet lizards! Grontina almost got killed (again), but thanks to my newly learned Scorching Ray spell, we dispatched the ugly brutes and got to work fixing the cart with some mending spells.

After a short rest, Grontina summoned a celestial horse and pulled us out of the muck. Shen and Sassay came back with some loot they found in the troll cave: 7 chess pieces made of rose quartz (worth 25 gp each), a scroll of spider climb (I took it), a potion of heroism (Grontina took it), a potion of diminution (Anastasia took it), a +1 temperate possessive dagger (Waknona took it (It’s called Sorcur’s Succor and it’s weird and makes Waknona warm and love it too much)), 2000 cp, and 60 ep.

We tried to keep going, but we hadn’t gotten sleep in forever and we all were so exhausted that finally about mid-day we had to pull over to get some real rest. During the night, everyone thought it would be funny to play pranks on each other, so Grontina got her legs tied together, Waknona had charcoal all over her face, and my hair was tied to my sleeping bag. Rude! Waknona took 5 gp and a chess piece into the forest, thinking to offer them to whatever fey spirit was messing with us, and indeed, a cute little dragon took the stuff and vanished! We all recovered, finished our long rest, and got back on the road.

We drove on for like three more days, and it just got more humid and swampy and gross. Diary, I am SOOOO TIRED of casting prestidigitation on myself just to keep myself fresh and clean. Finally, we came upon a caravansary. I got out to see about trading for supplies, and then suddenly this crazy lady came out of nowhere and starting yelling at me about how I had killed her “honey badger”. We tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn’t listen to reason and started attacking! She was so mad! Some mage friend of hers paralyzed Grontina with a Hold Person spell, but Waknona ran up to him and made him laugh so much he lost the spell. The crazy lady kept at me until she knocked me down, and I was literally dying, but Anastasia helpfully healed me back up. Oh my gods, there were so many of them! But finally we prevailed.

All we found on them were 15 sp and some dragon pendants. What the shit. I hate this place already. We tied them all up after taking away their weapons, and Grontina stomped off to find someone who would talk to us without also stabbing me in the face. We’ll see what happens with that.

Daggerford & One Night in Waterdeep.
no, seriously

Monday we arrived in Daggerford, and right off the bat, Sass and Miss Winny slipped into the shadows and went off to do little people things. Meanwhile, Annie decided to do some shopping. Miss TIna went to go check out the new recruits and Brit-Brit and I decided to tag along.
Gruntina tried to flirt with this sullen looking guy with a stupid looking cap with ear flaps. He brushed her off, and we thought he might be from Thay. I remembered history class with Mrs. Fruffnine, and recalled what I could remember about the Thay region and political strife. It’s mostly swamps now, not very nice, and bunch of red wizards and necromancers and the like live there. We weren’t surprised when he joined up with the cultists.
After several puns about Thay, a mysterious Gnome caught my eye. Miss TIna went up to talk to her and found out her name was Jamna. (We found out later that she was part of the Zentarim or the Dark Network or something like that. Spooky!)

Thursday morning, the others were eating their daily rations of nasty-ass gruel, when Jamny rushed up and fished a tiny piece of bone out off Sassay’s bowl. She said it was placed there by the cultist but several of the girls were suspicious… either way, the girls finally have seen the light and have joined me on the all natural goodberry diet. It both clears the skin as well as provides exactly what your body needs for a healthy lifestyle, AND it’s gluten free!
Sass and TIna stormed off to go inform the others of the dangers of terrible food while the others looked through their bowls to try and find more bone thingys. None were found and Annie was worried she might have swallowed one already.

Anywho, tonight Jamny joined us again to discuss what we all had learned. She had found out more about Castle Nertar to the north of Waterdeep in the Mere of Deadmen. It sounds just as pleasant as you think. Britbrit chimed in and told us that Sorcur had built it and after he left, Astronomers had installed some sort of magical device called the Farseer of Illusk or something like that. It sounds to me like a big version of a looking glass like the sea captains use.

Friday night, after I had finished my watch, Sassay tiptoes in and asks if I can cast pass without trace on her. I figure she’s probably going to go sneak around a bit more, and I trust her, so I sleepily do so and fall back asleep.

Saturday morning we were awoken by someone screaming bloody murder. Literally. We found out that one of the cultist had been stabbed with a short sword. I glanced at Sassay but she whispered to me she had just put the bone thingy into one of the cultist’s mouth last night. I knew the sword wasn’t Sassay. It was just a sloppy mess of someone trying to set us up.
There was a big uproar, and the caravan master tried to settle every one down. Old ugly hat gets involved and quiets the cultists. Uneasy, everyone drifts off and we hurry back to camp. Miss Tina finds a bloody dagger in Sassay’s bag and Brit does some quick thinking and prestidigitates it clean in a heartbeat before anyone can see.

Saturday eve Annie decided we needed a Girls Night Out away from the camp so we brought out our makeup kits and tried out the latest looks on Grontina. (The Charcoal eye shadow really brings out her eyes.) We waited to see if Jamna would join us, but she never did. Annie and I were disappointed.

Monday it rained.

Friday BritBrit’s roots were growing out, so we decided on a new color.

Tuesday saw us just a few more days from WaterDeep! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to stay in an actual room again and to explore the city i’ve always heard of!

Waterdeep, fantastical city
And the city don’t know what the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the adventuring world
In a show with everything but dead cultists

Well, fuck. So, we got to Waterdeep towards dusk last night, we went off to get lodging in the Golden Harp Inn right next to the caravansary. We met up with Leosin and he introduced us to Laeral Sliverhand. We all started discussing plans around the cultists’ next move when Wiknowna and Sassy walk in with Jamna! Seems like they were prowling around and bumped into her. She wanted to join the council but Lady Sliverhand seemed less than thrilled. Jamny left and Sass followed behind in the shadows.

After our meeting we went back outside to find the cultists caravan was gone! We noticed a trail of coins and ran after it, but the trail quickly ran cold, so we headed back. We had almost made it back to the inn when Sass caught up with us. She had left the coin trail. We hurried back to where she had followed the cultists, but they had already left, apparently with a “scaly” woman headed towards the north. Sigh.

Annie got all high and mighty with the local cartwright, and I have to admit it was pretty impressive. Ultimately, we bought a carriage and two horses, Wildfleet and Tabitha, to take us out of the city.

Please forgive the sloppy handwriting. It’s really, really difficult to write while bouncing along in a_____ [dark jagged line runs from the end of the last letter off the edge of the page]

The Caravan to Daggerford
A dat cu mucii-n fasole

Dragă Jurnal,
I have been with the girls for a couple of weeks now and I have to admit, they are more competent than I had originally thought. But there is still…dificultăți. It was notable that Shen and Wiknowna actually agreed on something last week, that we should not yet report on what we suspect the Dragon Cult is transporting until we know more about it.

The caravan paused for quite a while, which gave us time a freca menta…to pray and exercise and paint our nails. I do not know if it is working or not, but Shen seems to be trying to patch things up with Wiknowna. Perhaps so, but they still are not, as you say, thick as thieves.

After a week’s travels, we screeched to a halt; the caravan’s scouts, who should have been watching for danger, spotted a majestic stag in a bucolic field near the trail. And all the fools took off into the woods to try to bring it back as a trophy. The girls send Ebony to scout, and while Gruntina and I were suspicious, Shen and Waknowna dashed ahead to track the trackers. We followed through a particularly treacherous patch of forest (and if the grass stains don’t come out of this skirt from where I fell, I will be furious.)

Then there were shouts and screams. Of course, the hunting fools had been captured in web traps by giant spiders and ettercaps. We dispatched the spiders, saved the men we could, retrieved the bodies of the unlucky, and found some nice gemstones from a former victim in the cocoons as reward. (I secreted away the Moonstone; they’re my favorite, for obvious reasons. I want this one made into a necklace.)

Ebony returned to us from scouting with a golden feather. We asked Lasfelro, the gargoyle keeper, what it meant, and he said it was probably “just a blessing.” We asked the elven brothers Noohar and Selvek if they knew, and they smirked and said it was probably just a blessing. (Perhaps from Correlon Larethian, which would make sense in several ways.)

After this you would think the guards would be more careful; but when we discovered two busty young girls (Arietta and Zalene) camping out here with a slightly fishy story about traveling for a funeral…suddenly their balls were bigger than their brains again. Granted, even though we were suspicious, everything about them seemed ordinary, so perhaps I can’t fault them too much for that. But when the guard Kent was discovered in the morning, ritually slaughtered in his tent and butchered for his meat…perhaps they will think twice. We burnt what was left of him and pray his soul is at peace.

(I thank Selûne for the strength to put him to rest, my medical trainers for the experience to keep it together despite the gore, and to the palace staff for letting me watch when they had to butcher the horses that winter. And I am also glad that I did not have to…well, you know.)

The mood of the caravan was somber and anxious, and may remain so for a time. So when we found a man buried up to his neck at a crossroads, we made certain to stop the caravan, keep the guard alert and went to explore without them. Written across his face “OATHBREAKER”…even if he were that kind of punishment is inhumane. He was still alive, so we did our best to dig him out and keep the caravan from approaching. He claimed his fianceé’s brothers buried him here, but it was clear, at least to me, that was not the reason. And when we discovered a tattoo of the Harp on his arm, it became even more suspicious.

Carlon Omiphel, is the man’s name. When we send a message back to Miss Victoria, we will ask about his credentials. We discovered that he was spying on the Dragon Cult as well, and that the caravan he was on was carrying treasure as well. Perhaps our suspicions about a hoard is right. He said they were traveling to Naerytar, but we don’t yet know where that is, I don’t believe.

Today we will pull into Daggerford. We pieced together what we knew about the area into some block text:

“The town takes its name from a 400-year-old legend about a boy named Tyndal who fended off a tribe of lizardfolk with only a dagger. The first community was built along the shores of the river at that spot. All the Dukes of Daggerford claim to be descended from Tyndal. Construction of Castle Daggerford atop the ruined remnants of Morlin Castle begins immediately after the fall of previous Duke of Callador and the ducal site is relocated here from Delimbiyran.”

And after all that, diary, I am Varză and am going to rest for a bit. Fie ca zeița să ne binecuvânteze. (Fee-ay Cah Zee-itse sa ne bee-nay-coo-van-tay-zay.)


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