Miss Victoria's School for Girls

Some Dumb Guards, An Ambush, and All the Drama

What the hell Girls?

Dearest (New) Diary,

Good Morning! 
Today started off really strange. The boys bid us a fond farewell after I did a rendition of an old sorrowful number that I did after we watched some terrible cultists get hung. Without too much ado, we set out in the morning (me on Gruntie’s shoulder braiding her hair, a fabulous look for her by the way) while Shen tracked the army we’d been tasked to follow. I didn’t even know how fast the wilderness changed out here, it became way all rocky and less green. Still pretty, but … greyscale.

The girls got worried about what would happen when we caught up to the army, I just figured we wouldn’t get too close to them. But you know how these things work out. Well, usually pretty scarily. But there’s nothing we can’t do when we’re together. (P.S. I keep thinking of Shen in Kitty form, and I just really want to snuggle her SO. BAD.)

Eventually Kynthia and I saw there was this like trail of smoke in the sky, but like not enough for a full amount of a camping army. I asked Shen if she thought maybe we got turned around in the wrong direction, but she was totally sure she was right so, we continued on heading between plateaus to see what was going on here.

So once we were about like a half mile or so out the girls started arguing about who was going to go check out the fire, and it was totally a good idea to spend all that time talking instead of doing. But I decided I would go check it out. So I made with the total hiding abilities that I learned at Ms. Victoria’s and was gone without a trace. I guess Shen must have gotten worried about me because I saw her running by in bunny form heading to the campfire. She is SO sweet.

So anyway I eventually catch up (Bunnies are FAST did you know that?), So when I come upon the camp I’m super surprised when I see about 6 or so Kobolds chasing Bunny-Shen away from the Camp! Oh. My. God! They Nearly caught her and for a second I thought I was going to have to come in like a Wrecking Orb and blast the Kobolds and run. But, she totally got away from them (after a close call with a sling). So I was able to use this to my advantage and sneak up behind a big (to me!) boulder and watch the confusion. Spilling some soot-n-salt I activated a complex spell that allowed me to understand the Kobolds. Who were all just complaining about not eating Shen (I’m sure Brittanya would make a really crass statement here). 

After spending some time listening to the dumbies I made my way back to the group. They were bickering in a very similar fashion. But I love the ladies so its excusable. After a hasty plan to take out the army boys we started stealing back towards the encampment with the knowledge of their numbers. (Kynth may or may not have tripped on herself on the way there).

It turns out she actually kicked a rock, rather loudly… which drew some attention from the encampment. Oh well, who needs surprise when we have Gruntie with us? The Kobolds came charging at us (little mongrels), with the last vestiges of my language spell I could understand that they really wanted to kill us. 

A Kobold slung a rock directly between Brit-Brit’s eyes and knocked her out in an instant! IT. WAS. ON. Gruntie ran forth and shucked a spear at one of the men and missed before they  all swarmed on her (how unusual) and began swinging. With a word, Shen awoke Brit who got up and instantly slung out her own magical spell at the Kobolds to help them get in a good nap to which three instantly submitted. Kythia helped me out by distracting one of them men, as I ran up behind Gruntie, I stabbed the man in the thigh before they unleashed another assault upon us. But like the amazing women we are, we held against the Kobolds. Shen sent out  her trade mark fiercness whip and drug the Kobold that had attacked Brit-Brit as Big G sliced through my target killing him (Floyd the Blood Splotch), before slashing into another of the men.

Brittanya’s frosty rage unleashed a bolt of pure cold against the angry Kobold giving him icicle head. Kynthia ran up and thunked a guy with her mace and knocked him dead. I jumped on his chest and tried to stab one of his former allies but he jumped aside, I guess out of disgust at his bleeding friend or something.

Kobold the Bold knocked out Brit Brit again, she’s just going down like all those rumours back at school about her had said, causing Shen to roll her eyes and cast another healing word before killing the Kobold.

My guy decided he wanted to HIT me! ME! After slashing me, his friend hit Gruntie while Brit got up thorwing more icy-shade. Kynthia rolled her eyes and threw a healing word towards Gruntie before running up to my attacker and swinging for his skull with the mace again. Enraged by my wound, I stabbed at the last standing male on the field. Two of the Kobolds ran, eliciting a Kitty chase by a suddenly transformed Shen. As Gruntie finished off the last of our attackers, Brit-Brit caused our runners to fall asleep and make Shen a very Happy Kitty.

(Items From the Camp: 4 Gold, 22 silver, 34 copper. 4 Spears, 4 Chainmail Shirts, and 4 spears, 4 shields, 6 daggers, 6 slings. We left behind: 2 Chainmail Shirts, and 2 Spears)

Realizing we hadn’t left any of the cultists alive for questioning, we decided to start walking after the army with a few new items in hand. 

And while I was writing in this Journal, a trap sprung upon us! We walked into a very shallow canyon. Guards, Cultists, and Acolytes, Oh My! Shen had seen a face peering over the edge of the Canyon. Poping over the edge they threw spears at us which Gruntia defended the party at large from. Shen, having prepared her thorn whip pulled one of the attackers down the slope at us. Brit used another sleep spell on the ridge above us and knocked two cultists into an easy sleep. Guards appeared over the edge next, chucking MORE Spears, and Gruties shiled continued to hold (Remind me to dip into our coffers to get her an even better shield someday!). 

“Okay Girls! Lets take them down one at a time!” Gruntie advised, choping halfway into a cultist who dropped instantly. I saw an insecure Guard, and called a verbal assault against his husbands buldge which, I could see visibly hurt him. In that moment, when all eyes were on him, I disappeared between Gruntie and Shen. Moving away from the western wall Kynthia unleashed a crossbow bolt that barely missed one of the Guards furthest away from us.  Brit-Brit unleashed a blast of Cold, and then got a weird look on her face before winking out of existence and appearing on the otherside of Gruntina.

More Guards chucking spear snad Gruntie continuing to block for us while complaining about resource management. I still don’t understand what that means, but she ran up the slope and insulted tiny dick, before slashing wildly and missing him entirely. As I struggled up the hill, I couldn’t get enough vigor behind my next insult at him and he easily ignored me for the Giant Half-Orc infront of him. Kynthia unleashed a Guided bolt at an Accolyte from an amaing distance nand took him out in a single hit. The other Acolyte didn’t like this very much and threw a poorly aimed firebolt at her.

Kitty Shen emerged on the battlefield and pounced on a single Guard on the oposite side of the canyon from the group, mauling the hell out of him. The Cultist (I say this because he was the only one standing at this point) threw another poorly aimed spear at Gruntie (yet again). This time Brit-Brit didn’t disappear when she cast another ray of frost and iced the mauled Guard into a Guardscicle.  

The remaining guard on Shens side attempted to skewer a kitty but couldn’t connect again. Small Pene, clearly angry still (and I mean what man wouldn’t be with that penis?) stabbed Gruntie in the gut this time, before she swung again hitting his shield, and her frustration became clear and she cut through his shiled, his armor (and his tiny self esteeme) and splorched him all of the ground. I ran up and attempted to help Guntie by stabbbing the next guy, and he blocked clearly weary after his friend got splorched. Kynthia was clearly in a great mood and unleashed another Acolyte killing assault, taking enemy spell casters off the field. Meanwhile Kitty Fantastico got another bite into a guard.

Another spear flew threw the air from the final Cultist, catching Gruntie in the side. In a shocking turn of events Brit Brit grabbed onto a guard, shocking him throughly, and he swung wildly missing Brit. Unfortunately Shen got hit by a freaking out guard. Gruntie finished off her Guard nemisis and together ran forward, and I began stabbing wildly at the Cultists shins hacking him up pretty good. In a surprising turn of event Kynthia continued to be shockingly violent and take out yet another Guard. And again Kitty Shen snuck up and started killing sleeping Cultists. And Brit Brit joined us around the last cultist and knocked him out demurely with her quarter staff.

Tying up our enemies, we went through the things of our fallen foes. 

Things of interest: these guards were way more professional than the guys at the boulders. Their gear is still not that awesome. 

(Loot from this Encounter: Chainshirts, Javelins, Leather Armor, Spears, Daggers, 2 Scimitars. 
Cash: 41 copper, 19 silver, 11 electurm, 29 Gold, 3 platinum
1 Healing Potion
1st Level Spell Scroll: Inflict Wounds. [Given to Kynthia]
We Took: Money, Potion, Spell Scroll. 1 Scimitar)

Delegating tasks on questioning and area scouting we take some time to make sure we’re not going to be suddenly attacked again. Seperating the Guard and the cultists… we try a myriad of attempts to wake them up… none of which succeed until Shen healed him up and Brit-Brit got on questioning him with a terrible threat scaring the absolute hell out of him. He answered questions to the bare minimum. He did however list the name of his Boss “Frulam Mondath”. He didn’t give more specifics about his boss and army, but clearly mentioning his both made him REALLY terrified. “Have you seen Leosin… Thunderpussy, what’s his name? I forgot his name. He’s a Monk guy. Did you guys kill him or something?” He clearly had never heard the name before. In an attempt to get more information out of him lies about where we think the army is going. 

Our Guard was a little bit rude. But we did get some information out of him:
Resmir is who Frulam reports to.

Lendadrisa Kyarath is the direct commander of their camp.

Gathering gold for the hord to present to the Queen.

As we were considering options of taking a night of camping here, Guard Roy twitched letting us know that there would clearly be a scouting party coming back eventually. 

We had issues deciding what to next, Kill our Captives or leave them tied up and to the wolves? It didn’t very much matter as the Cultist got up and started booking it having escaped from his bonds. Shen kitty formed and chased after him, having to end the Cultists life. 

Then O. M. G. The stress of the day got to us. Brit-Brit decided to walk away from the group because she was just like OVER the whole thing. And guess what!? Grontina decided to HIT HER WITH ROY! What in the world?! DRAAAAAMA!

The worst part??! She KILLED him. KILLED HIM by Dropping him on his head. I just don’t know what I think of that. 

AND SHEN. WHAT THE HELL!? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR LEVEL HEADED GIRL AND YOU TRY TO BUILD A GIANT FIRE TO GIVE OUR LOCATION AWAY!? I SWEAR TO THE HIGHEST HOLY THING I CAN THINK OF I WILL STAB SOMEONE. STAB. SOMEONE.

Good Night Journal,
This day is some kind of mess.

(We all get 1 DM inspiration, on some future roll we can give ourselves Advantage on ANY D20 roll).

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